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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25535476">Criminals Five-ever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkscape/pseuds/Hawkscape'>Hawkscape</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (Movies 1989-1997), Batman - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Arkham Asylum, Bisexuality, First Kiss, Fluff and Humor, Guns, Innuendo, Internal Monologue, Laughter, M/M, Prison, Surprise Kissing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:00:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25535476</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkscape/pseuds/Hawkscape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward is bored in Arkham and not as out of it as he pretends to be, leading him to think about Two Face and their actually relatively productive partnership. To bad the guy's dead. Allegedly.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harvey Dent/Edward Nygma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Criminals Five-ever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was pretty obvious that one Edward Nygma got bored easily. It was most likely a lot of the reason he turned to villainy in the first place. That, and it was just so fun! But unfortunately his first foray into it, and what a great foray it was, had left him with a pretty busted face and a long unplanned nonnegotiable stay at Arkham Asylum hotel and day spa.</p><p>At least he wasn't being kept in some batcave somewhere because of his unfortunate knowledge of Batman's secret identity. He hadn't forgotten, despite the large amount of mental trauma he'd suffered (who hadn't?), but like hell he was going to tell little miss bat doctor that. It was actually kind of pitiful how easy it was.</p><p>'Do you know who Batman is?'</p><p>'No.'</p><p>Wow, real mastermind here. Well he was, but that was beside the point.</p><p>He wasn't going to stay here, at least not longer than he wanted to, but they were treating him and he wasn't going to be robbing any banks with his face bone broken in three places like it currently was. His current game plan was to continue playing crazy in his restrictive pajamas as his face healed and then escape to continue wreaking revenge and havok.</p><p>He was about to add ‘pick up Two Face’ to that list but unfortunately, apparently, allegedly, the man was deader than the two dollar bill. Batman never kills, yeah right, and he'd never been sarcastic in his life.</p><p>He wouldn't say that he wasn't using Two Face. The man was a walking two toned button that you pressed to get money and personal gratification. Oh wow, he had some kind of attention seeking problem, who could have seen that coming? Was the neon sign in the sky too much of a give away?</p><p>But...but he did actually enjoy working with the man. It did mean something that after the initial coin flip they hadn’t been at each other's throats and Two Face actually hadn’t killed Wayne when he told him to stop. To be honest, Two Face had actually tried to kill him less then most of his old co-workers. That might have said more about him than them, but who's counting?</p><p>Point was he was actually a bit frowny the guy was dead. Allegedly.</p><p>Ok, maybe he was one of the only people he wanted to win with instead of against. Always good to find someone who shares your sense of humor. And who else could pull off cheetah print and make it look that good? He had always had a thing for men in suits…</p><p>He sighed as he started to follow the cracks in his ceiling for the 1368th time. Maybe he could get a crossword puzzle in here or something? Maybe just a coloring book? Or, or, or...he could subtly manipulate his other jailmates against each other until the entire place dissolved into madness. Beautiful chaos. He half sighed half giggled. What a beautiful thought.</p><p>Then a huge explosion rocked the building so hard he fell out of his bunk. Funny enough the floor was actually softer. He blinked his eyes one after the other as he shook his head hearing the ruckus coming from down his hall. He shoved his face against the bars, trying to see what in the fresh hell was going on. “Hello? Could you keep it down? SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!”</p><p>A large dust plume was coming out of the end of the hallway where he assumed a door used to be. Then some kind of projectile shot directly at his face. He threw himself away from the door as a metal hook wrapped around the bars on his window and pulled tight. “Well, that was definitely not OSHA compliant!”</p><p>The door creaked as more strain was put on the hook and bars before it popped off with a loud clang. Good thing he was already deaf from the explosion. He blinked owlishly as the dust cloud obscured most of the hallway. He stuck his head out and looked around. “Hello? Who iiiis it?” He called in a falsetto.</p><p>“I'll give you two guesses.” Came a gruff voice as a two toned man stepped out of the smoke. Oh, he had definitely been working on his entrances. Very nice, 9.8/10.</p><p>Riddler gasped dramatically and put a hand to his face. The man looked really good for being dead. Looked really bad for being alive, but no one was perfect. What's a few more bandages here and there?</p><p>“Two Face!” Edward exclaimed giddily, running towards the man and throwing himself on him. Harvey couldn't catch him as both hands were currently occupied with pistols, but luckily Ed could still climb him like a tree before grabbing the man's split vistage. “Look good for being dead!” He leaned forward and planted a kiss on the man's lips dramatically and pulled back with an exaggerated smack, his eyes practically vibrating from excitement.</p><p>Anger, frustration, aggravation, other synonyms, all of these emotions were what Riddler expected to see on Two Face, but he was instead met with shock and confusion.</p><p>Riddler couldn't help but snort and giggle nervously as he slowly unwrapped himself from the man and stepped back dusting off some plaster dust from the man's shoulder. “Haha whoopsie daisy. Got a little over excited there. What I meant to say was- Op!”</p><p>Harvey had quickly put away one of his guns and had grabbed the front of the Riddlers prison jacket, pulling him uncomfortably close. Riddler stared into his missmatched eyeballs as he was glared at. Ed blinked innocently before smiling widely, hoping that would somehow work. Two Face smiled back for a moment, his eyes glinting and that did not make Edward feel better at all.</p><p>Until he was pulled forward about three more inches or so into another kiss, alot harder this time now that Harvey was expecting it. Huh, acid burns did give lips a different texture didn't they? They pulled apart with Ed’s brain still spinning. Two Face smiled wider at him as he was let go to try and remember how to stand. “Huh…” Should have known Harv wouldn't let him get away with just one kiss.</p><p>Two faces reached for something on his belt before unhooking it and tossing the Riddler's cane to him. The man fumbled for it and caught it against his chest. Harvey sniffed. “Was that all I had to do to get you to shut up? Would have done it weeks ago.”</p><p>Riddler took a few more seconds rebooting before shaking his head. “I was not expecting that…”</p><p>The man pulled his other gun back out. “Really? Getting rusty.”</p><p>Riddler sputtered, actually a little insulted by that. “Well excuse me, you and your choice two inverse eyecandys didn't really give me any indication.”</p><p>Harvey sneered and stepped closer, causing the Riddler to back up in instinct before he hit the wall. Really not fun for his already injured head, but he had other things to think about. Harvey crowded him in with one of his hands against the wall. “Aw come on Eddie, you couldn't guess I was bi?”</p><p>Riddler couldn't stop himself from laughing loudly and like a hyena as he slunked out from under the man's arm and plastered himself to his side before spinning his staff around with a flourish and clicking open the electronic components. “Truly you are a puzzle box I would love to unlock, my bifurcated friend. Now. Let's invite some more people to this party.” He hit a few buttons and the sound of most of the electronic doors in the asylum unlocking rang out.</p><p>Harvey looked over his shoulder. “Hm. If I knew it did that, I wouldn't have needed the armored tow truck.”</p><p>Riddler turned and pinched the man's purple cheek. “And that's why we're a great team, Facey, brains and brawn.”</p><p>Two faces rolled his eyes and shook him off as he started walking through the dust and rubble. “Come on, we have to get outta here before the bat shows up to make things more difficult.”</p><p>Riddler came up after him in his usual light footed way. “Aw, but where's the fun in that?” He pouted dramatically, spinning his cane around to get rid of his nervous energy.</p><p>“If you shut up, we can have fun at the hideout.” Harvey said with grit teeth.</p><p>Riddler's eyes widened before he cackled again. One this was a great plan, almost better than his own. He approved. He supposed if anyone knew the value of a two person team up it was Harvey. Lucky for Ed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments fuel me!<br/>Feel free to message me!<br/>I also make drawings and animations!<br/>https://www.youtube.com/c/HawkScape<br/>http://hawkscape.deviantart.com/</p></blockquote></div></div>
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